Thursday, February 12, 2009

Anybody want to buy a Madonna?

I’m having an existential crisis. I realize that it’s almost absurd but yet it gnaws at my brain. Here is the situation:

We have just moved offices. After 15 years in one place, you tend to compile a lot of stuff, especially as a nonprofit where people hoist all kinds of things upon you to “donate” to the cause, leaving the organization responsible for selling this stuff for a profit. Sure it’s generous thinking but not all this stuff can sell or be seriously translated into donations so some of it sits around on a shelf waiting for the opportunity to be used in the next auction/giveaway/gift basket.

Cleaning out all the nooks and crannies of the office, we cam upon a statue lady Madonna. The Holy Mother. The Virgin. Jesus’ Madre. She’s quite beautiful, I might add.

Here’s the problem. I was the first to find her and proxy bestowed her care upon me. You might think this an honor (and I do really) but have you ever tried to get rid of a statue of the Virgin Mary? I’m Jewish. I don’t know the first thing about this stuff. To add insult to injury, someone from the office mentioned that if it was blessed by holy water, you can't just throw the statue out. Did she want it? I asked. Umm. No.

So I am in my new office with the Virgin Mary benevolently smiling down upon me from her perch atop one of my cabinets. Not that I don’t appreciate her presence. Not that I don’t get the calming glow but, you know, I’m Jewish and really, these things don’t really belong at work. They belong in a garden in the suburbs, under a clamshell or something.

I’m formulating a plan to donate this statue. I might leave her on the steps of an old church on my way to work. I may have to wrap her up in a bow and give her to my Catholic Mother-In-Law (yes I married a shiksa.) For now, I am tormented. Is it right to just give her away unceremoniously? Or am I spending way too much time thinking about this?

Any advice would be appreciated.

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